


Don't Clown Around (or clowns are not sexy)

by qualamity



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Clowns, Established Relationship, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, no explicit sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-05-10 01:56:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14727777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qualamity/pseuds/qualamity
Summary: Harry wants to try sex. Tom tries to help. It doesn't go as planned.





	Don't Clown Around (or clowns are not sexy)

It wasn’t that Harry didn’t like sex. He just didn’t want to add anyone to sex. 

Except for Tom. 

Tom would laugh in Harry’s face if Harry ever said this, but Tom was sweet. He was also a sarcastic prat who laughed at Harry’s glower every time he mocked Harry’s height. 

(“Does a joke make a sound when it flies over you? Or are you too short to even hear it pass?”

“Fuck you.”) 

Tom was the type of person who would finish the orange juice and put the container back without ever telling Harry. He was obsessed with making the perfect tea to the point that he used a _micropipette_ to add milk in precise volumes. He was a slob, despite what people thought about him at work, never bothering to toss his clothes in the hamper. He was disgustingly sober even after four beers and made sure to wake up extra early to open the shades and let the sun in when Harry was hung over. 

So, yes, Tom was a prat. 

But Tom also listened to Harry talk about his nightmares. He kept a night light in their room because Harry hated the dark even after years of not being locked in a cupboard anymore. He would buy five-dollar red wines even though his tastes leaned towards the expensive stuff because he knew what Harry liked. He laid next to Harry, careful to keep from touching him when Harry couldn’t bear to be touched.

Tom would stay even if Harry never had sex with him, and that just made Harry want to jump him even more. 

Three weeks ago, he had hesitantly mentioned to Tom that he wanted to try.

Nothing changed. Except Tom started sucking on popsicles lewdly in the dead of winter. Actually, he was sucking on everything lewdly and Harry was ready to rip off his clothes or strangle him or both.

He shifted on their bed nervously, feeling the sheets slide against his skin. He was ready, goddamn it. 

The door opened. Tom walked in. “Hey, are you—” He broke off, mouth opening and closing a few times. “Are you _naked_?” 

Harry huffed. “Never mind. Let’s just go to sleep.” 

“No, hold on. Don’t move.” Tom disappeared from the room, shutting the door loudly. 

Five minutes passed. Fifteen. Thirty. Where had he gone? Harry was about to go put on pants and a shirt when the door opened again. 

There was a fucking clown. 

Harry stared. What the fuck. “What the fuck,” he said flatly. 

“I thought we would try something new. To ease you into it,” the clown said with Tom’s voice. 

“And you picked a fucking clown.” 

“Do you not like it?” 

Harry faltered. 

“Are you trying to think of something nice to say?”

“I can’t,” Harry said helplessly. “Clowns aren’t sexy. Why would you ever think they were sexy?” 

“You could be into it.” 

Harry broke down laughing. Tom stripped out of the clown suit and took off the clown mask. “What took so long?” Harry said in between gasps. “You didn’t even put the makeup on.” 

“Like I would ever sully this perfection.” 

They didn’t stop laughing long enough to have sex that night. But it was okay. Harry did jump Tom the next day before Tom could change into anything horrendous and it was as good as Harry imagined. 

(“Good? Just good? I need a new boyfriend.”)


End file.
